Fuck Buddies.

By this point in your life you may or may not have had a fuck buddy. You know, people you JUST fuck.

Due to my psychology background, I'm feeling a strong need to operationally define, "Fuck Buddy."
 I believe urbandictionary.com says it best when they define it as:

A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend, with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you both want sex and nothing more. 

Alright. Now. You might think this sounds like a good idea that will solve all of your horny/lonely/haven't been fucked in 3 month issues, right? Maybe.

Keep in mind, there are two types of people:
1. People who are able to pull off fuck buddy relationships
2. People who aren't.

Here's what the people who ARE able to pull off fuck buddy relationships understand.
- The less communication, the better
- No cuddling
- No sleepovers
- Respect is not necessary (in fact, it's frowned upon)
- You are JUST a penis/vagina to the other person. Nothing more, nothing less
- It's all about having an orgasm
- Wham, bam, thank you ma'am... call you in a week. Or whenever "horny-ness" strikes


Now. If ANY of those things bothered you, chances are you are NOT able to pull off a fuck buddy relationship, so don't even waste your time trying.


Here's what the people who THINK they can pull off a fuck buddy relationship end up doing:
- Your fuck buddy goes to shower after sex. You don't even think to leave while they are in the shower but you wait, hoping to have a nice conversation.
- It's 3 AM. You're tired. You close your eyes to fall asleep after some amazing sex. They kick you out.
- You show up hammered at your fuck buddies house & admit your undying love for them and how you want to be exclusive.
- You call them the next day to talk about something that doesn't have to do with humping.
- You get mad when they ask to have a three-some with your best friend.

If the above sounded more like you, chances are you are looking for a FRIEND WITH BENEFITS. Which is completely different from a fuck buddy & actually even worse of an idea.

Don't go into a "fuck buddy" relationship expecting ANYTHING more than literally getting fucked. You can't expect your fuck buddy to be dependable, respect you or even care about you at all. 


BUT. The ONE THING you ALWAYS need to demand out of a fuck buddy, is that you get yours too. ;)

Happy Fucking. Wear a condom. STD's are gross.

Attention Whores

To start this off, I'd like to say there are 2 types of attention: Positive attention and Negative attention.

Evvvvveryone seeks positive attention. Recognition for good grades, achieving goals, getting a new job. That's fine. That's natural. That's not what pisses me off. You're not an attention whore if you seek positive attention, you're just normal.

Now. Negative attention.

Everything I talk about, I talk about because either I myself have experienced it or I have dealt with people who have. Now, I used to be an attention whore... those who thrive off of ANY attention EVEN if it's negative and EVEN if they have to lower their standards & portray themselves in a negative way.

We ALL see the girls on Facebook who are half naked taking mirror pictures with their ass & titties spilling out. And we ALL see the 167 likes and 49 comments. That's NEGATIVE ATTENTION. Why would you bring that on yourself? You are so insecure that you feel the need to post revealing ass (pun possibly intended) pictures of yourself on the internet so creeper ass dudes that you don't even know can tell you how hot you are as they jizz on their computer screen? Cool life.

And some of you right now are thinking, "this girl is a hater..." lol and no... I'm not. I used to be one of those stupid girls & trust me... when you grow up and take a look at yourself and your past behavior you are going to be fucking embarrassed. But the worst part is, some never grow out of it. You'll be 27 years old participating in Titty Tuesday on Twitter. Re-evaluate your life.




Attention whores are the loudest, DEMAND the most attention, dress the most provocatively. Girl, what are you trying to over-compensate for? All the girls can see through that shit and the only reason dudes buy into it is because they know that the girls who are the most insecure are the easiest to fuck. You are making yourself bait. But hey, you probably like it.

Dumb bitches. But you know, whatever. Keep on doing what you do. See where you end up.

I'm gonna be over here dressing classy with a splash of trashy when I need attention. At least I can admit it. Right?

All girls are completely crazy, don't believe me? Watch & Learn.

I won't do video-blogs aka "vlogs" very often... but since this one was already made. Ladies. Watch. Learn. and hold in that crazy.

Why girls DON'T like nice guys

Along the same lines as "why girls like ass-holes" a similar question can be asked: why DON'T girls like nice guys?

Well, the simple answer is because all females are completely fucking crazy. Oh shut up girls, we are. You know it.

But I'm not going to just tell you the simple answer because that won't really help anyone. This blog post is going to be for girls who don't like nice/sweet guys and also for guys who ARE that nice guy, wondering why he can't get a girl.

Girls. You often ask, "Why can't I find a good guy!?" Um bitch, you have found a good guy, but chances are you put him in the friend zone. That's where all of the good guys we know reside.

Guys. Why are you in the friend-zone? Because you were not clear with your intentions from the beginning. If you meet a girl and feel that she is someone you would like to potentially date, then treat her like someone you would potentially date.... NOT a friend. Stupid.

Yes, yes I realize this has not yet answered why girls don't like nice guys, I just needed to address the friend zone first.

So. Now. Really: Why don't girls like nice guys?

Initially you need to play the game & you need to play it right. If we just met a guy and he is offering to take us to dinner right away, buying flowers, trying to take you to the movies, texting you "good morning :)" every fucking day, asking us all of these detailed questions about our lives......... we feel OVER-WHELMED. We don't even fucking KNOW you and you are trying to put all of this effort into us! BACK. THE. FUCK. OFF.

We don't like it because it's so pushy. You haven't given us a chance to even think about you in that way yet. You see, all girls are crazy. If we like a guy we create all these elaborate situations in our minds and fantasize about our first date, what we'll wear, how he'll kiss you, where we'll go. GIVE US A CHANCE TO BUILD YOU UP IN OUR OWN MINDS! If you haven't backed off at all we have no time to do this.

Just like men, women like the chase too. If you are too easy to get and too easily accessible then we don't get to chase at all and we inevitably lose interest. Being too "thirsty" to hang out with someone or get to know them shows that you don't have that much going on for yourself and you rely on others for your worth and meaning. Nooooooobody wants someone like that. That is a terrible recipe for clingyness/craziness.

One fundamental trait that the majority of "Nice Guys" lack is: CONFIDENCE!

You probably see yourself as a nice guy because you are showing interest and respecting the girl, and that's fine. But if you already know what you want it's okay to be aggressive. BUT. With that being said, you need to be aggressive at the correct moments, not aggressive overall. Timing is key.

So no. Girl's DON'T want guys who would bend over backwards for them & that we can walk all over like a door-mat. We are looking for our equal, our partner.

oh. yeah. and sometimes we just won't like you no matter how well you play the game. *shrug*

Why girls like ass-holes.

If you have taken a general psychology class, you're probably familiar with the term "classical conditioning". If you haven't then I'll explain it really quickly, it's basically just a form of associative learning. For example, if you have the burner on the stove on and you touch it, you'll burn yourself. If you burn yourself once you probably won't do it again because you have associated the burner on the stove to being something that hurts you when you touch it.

Now. Let's take this same theory and apply it to why girls like assholes.

When you were little, if a boy was mean to you on the play-ground it generally meant he liked you, right? This boy was pretty damn mean, teasing you, throwing shit at you, knocking down your confidence!

"Mommy, why does Billy put dirt in my hair at recess?"
"Oh hunny, it sounds like Billy has a little crush on you."

-_- ........

We've been classically conditioned from a young age to believe that boys that are mean to us like us!!!

WHAT. THE. FUCK!?

Because of this, all females are pretty much fucked up subconsciously. We love when guys ignore us, it makes us want their attention even more. If a guy is sweet to us, we get annoyed and want him to stop being so overly nice.

So then you might ask, "How do we stop being attracted to men that treat us badly?" Great question, when I figure that out... I'll let you know.

Until then, know your worth ladies! and if you like an ass-hole... well.. sorry. Oh-- and if you have a daughter-- save her the trouble and tell her that if a boy is mean to her he doesn't like her and she should stay away from him. Or throw dirt back at him... make sure some gets in his mouth... and call him a little bitch.

smh at you society.

"Oh yeah, I'll hit you up."

Today I am going to pose a question. Many of you seem to participate in this douche-baggery and I really want an answer. In my mind there are only a few possible answers and solutions.

So. Um. Yeah. Last time I checked, when you tell someone you'll call them- you're actually going to call them.

Is this not right anymore?

I am under the assumption (please.. correct me if I am fucking wrong) that these are the following reasons you might say such things to people and then not follow through:
1. You are awkward and just say things to fill conversation/don't know how else to end a conversation.
2. Saying, "I'll hit you up" holds no merit what-so-ever. Empty words, if you will.
3. You actually do plan on hitting a person up, but then forget.
4. You are trying to make a "power-play" by telling someone you will contact them and then deliberately not doing it.
5. You want to stop talking to the person and know that's what they want to hear.
or 6. You're just a plain old douche-bag. (5 & 6 are somewhat inter-changeable)

Okay.. seriously... have I missed out on a social change that makes this acceptable?

Here are possible solutions to these issues:
1. Say "good-bye" when exiting a conversation.
2. Just don't even say, "I'll hit you up."
3. Try to be more considerate of others.
4. This one is understandable. Go ahead with your bad self.
5&6. Drown your cell phone in a glass of keg beer, then re-evaluate your life. Or, if you're me, get the beer tears and just start crying.

It's an epidemic. You stupid fucks claim to be "real" and then do little shit that makes you fake. Keep it real. If you need a lesson, I can teach you.

Moral of the story: If you don't plan on calling someone back, don't even let the words exit your mouth... well, unless you are #4ing someone. ;)

TGIFridays, Mexican Drug Dealers & Blackletes

This is an excerpt from Chapter 2:

"Jake and I had only been on one date, (to TGIFridays... really dude? -_-) but I blame it all on bad timing. It's annoyingly complicated but: We went before I had finals in December and it was pretty fun. We texted constantly everyday from when we woke up until we fell asleep. Like. At least 200 texts a day. At minimum. Needless to say, I was feeling him and he was feeling me. Unfortunately after finals, I went back to my hometown and he went back to his. We were never in the same place at the same time. To make it even more frustrating, when I came back from break I headed straight to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico with my family. There I didn’t have any cell phone usage and he did not stay in contact with me through Facebook. That annoyed me… naturally. I spent the days tanning on the beach and listening to all of his favorite songs on my iPod. I had it bad. The whole time I was there he was the only thing on my mind. Well, minus the Mexican drug dealer I made out with. Whatever.

Once break was over we finally got to hang out and through all of the "being away from each other" I ended up having sex with him the second time we saw each other again. Shame on me, I know. I couldn’t help it though, if you saw Jake, you’d understand. He played football for the same University my sister went to, yummmm blackletes. Blackletes are black athletes, which happened to be "my type." Especially football players. Judge me. Fuck you. How is someone who works out pretty much everyday, some days twice a day NOT going to be attractive? Jake was a huge guy, not at all fat just thick and extremely muscular. I had never been with a guy before who appreciated my body and my curves. He made me feel really good about myself. I’m not a small girl, I’m 5’7 and 150 lbs. That might sound fat to you or whatever but believe me, I’m adorable. I’m thick in all of the right places, ya dig? My ass gets me far in life, luckily the men I am attracted to are stereotypically attracted to girls like me, thick thighs and ass."


If this sounds ignorant. Good. That might be the point.